Sunday, March 25, 2012

Till death do us part

So, as I said, I was in complete and utter shock to receive Dick's phone call but after grieving the loss of my marriage, I realized it was for the best. Dick was giving me a second chance in life. Was our marriage perfect - far from it but when I made those vows back in 1998 they were forever - till death do us part. Unfortunately Dick didn't keep his end of the deal. He decided he was going to become a famous poker player...yup, he was leaving his family for a deck of cards and some poker chips. And of course behind every good card player is a good woman.Yup, Dick was cheating on me, too. She is a work of art...looks only a mother, well and Dick, could love.

Looking back to before we married I now realize God was giving me signs prior to the wedding that I may be making a mistake marrying Dick. What kind of signs you ask...

... 4 months before we got married we bought a house - I developed severe anxiety attacks from the moment we signed the purchase and sale

... every time I went for a dress fitting, I broke out into hives and then without fail they would have to rip the dress off of me because I would start sweating profusely with stomach pains that caused me to have explosive diarrhea 

... I lost my appetite so they had to continuously take my dress in (see above). I think the alterations cost more than the actually dress itself. A week before the wedding I had a bout of irritable bowels causing me to lose more weight. My dress was hanging off me on the big day.

... I went to my hairdresser for a practice run on my hair which should have lasted no more than an hour. However, we were there forever because I needed to keep taking breaks because I was having hot flashes. They kept bringing me cups of water to cool me down and help relieve the severe cotton mouth I had. Although I appreciated their assistance and concern for my comfort, by bladder was overflowing so I spent a lot of time running to the bathroom.

A small case of pre-wedding jitters, right?

Don't think so. The BIG DAY arrives. Everything is going as planned except the weather. There was a   misty drizzle in the air...but rain on your wedding day is good luck so I wasn't too worried. My wedding ceremony was like an out of body experience. I remember my Dad and I standing at the back of the music began to play, he asked me if I was ready and down the aisle we went.

I was anxious but trying to keep myself together. I made it through the wedding ceremony and then we had to move on with the rest of the Mass. Being from an Irish, Catholic family, a full Mass was expected. This is where the troubles began. I begin feeling anxious...we had been on kneelers for at least 45 minutes. Then the sweat starts. It is at this point that I begin doing sign language with the priest. It was like a three-ring circus up there on the altar. The altar boy and girl were running around like crazy bringing me water, wet face cloths, and finally they brought Dick and I chairs to sit on. I was so anxious I was ready to get up and run out of the church. I felt like I was Julia Roberts in The Runaway Bride. Still hot, I signaled to the priest to turn on the ceiling fans. This is when God gave me his final sign.

It was time to light the unity candle signifying us coming together as one. Dick and I lit the inner candle and returned to our seats. It went out...not all of the candles...just our candle. Dick, knowing I would be upset, got up and lit it again. The darn candle blew out before he even made it back to his seat. At this point the priest mouthed to us that he would light it for us...yeah, right. Finally the Mass was over and we were man and wife.


  1. HAHA oh that damn unity candle at your wedding was the reason that I didn't have one at mine. We should have know then it was a sign and time to run screaming out of the church. I don't remember much about the reception, you had free bottles of win on the head table. You lost me and my brother to the free wine.

  2. The lovely, Heather, sent me over. I've got you added :)

  3. PS. Welcome to future Attention Whoredom :)