Closing the Book with Dick

As I mentioned before, we had some rough patches throughout the years but managed to work through them. I was committed to the marriage and my family through good times and bad. However, there were some problems from day one that again, I believe were signs from above that I did make a huge mistake marrying Dick.

We dated a year before we were engaged and then another year before we married. I lived at home with my parents until the day I got married. Dick and I spent all of our free time together but didn't live together until we came back from our honeymoon. You know how they say "you never truly know someone until you live with them?" well, I highly encourage pre-marital cohabitation. Had we lived together before becoming engaged and/or married, my life may have turned out different but I am a firm believer that things happen to us for a reason.

After we married...

... I discovered that Dick didn't like having sex. Somehow I must have ignored this during our pre-marital relationship. Weeks leading up to the wedding things were getting funky in the intimacy world. When I finally asked him what was wrong he told me he was only able to climax once every 4 days. Yes, that says DAYS. I had never heard of such a thing and never noticed it when we were dating but then again we weren't living together so I guess everything seemed normal to me. He also told me this is how he had always been.

Apparently Dick must have enjoyed a little alone time right before the wedding because we were not able to consummate our marriage until the FOURTH DAY of our honeymoon. I couldn't believe it. And to make matters worse, Dick needed to take sea sick medication (we went on a cruise) that made him sleepy, so we were in our cabin by 9pm every night - he was snoring by 9:15.

When we got home I researched his mysterious condition, asked friends, consulted with doctors...no one could provide me with any information that could either deny or confirm any such condition. Wanting a family, I immediately panicked. Once every 4 days - what if his schedule didn't fit in with my ovulation schedule? When the time came, I was fortunate enough to get pregnant on the first try and am so ever grateful for my 2 beautiful daughters.

... I discovered Dick hated taking showers...never noticed this when we were dating...though he did wear lot of cologne which he stopped doing right after we got back from our honeymoon. He would often go a week without a shower. I would beg him to shower. By the end of our marriage I was taping signs to the headboard that said "Dick, Please shower tonight. Love, Me". It didn't work. By the end of a week his hair was extremely greasy and the stench that came from his pores formed an aurora around him. It was unbearable. Needless to say the above problem actually worked out in my favor!


As you can imagine this interfered with our love life.  I was fortunate that Dick showered the night the Red Sox won the 2004 World Series...my youngest was conceived that night. That was the last time Dick and I were intimate.